the intersection (and our adoption story)

HOME.

2008-06-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

For those who don't check the other blog...

We are all home and settling in.

We made it through a whirlwind trip to Africa and brought home the 2 most beautiful and amazing little people.

Go to jodyrlanders.com ---scroll back to get the full story and see how things are looking now at the Landers house.

Houston, We Have VISAS!!!

2008-05-23T07:55:00.002-07:00

I'm am sneaking my way off this ferris wheel and heading to Africa!

The call came this morning, the kids have visas and we can go get them!!!

fine line.

2008-05-23T07:55:00.001-07:00

i'm walking such a fine line between peace and panic.

it seems like with each passing moment, i swing from one to the other.

it's this "risky hope" as someone else put it.

it's so very uncomfortable.

nothing

2008-05-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

I think we can safely say no news will come today.

I don't know, people. I need it to come tomorrow.

I do feel we are in some sort of spiritual battle.

It's very bizarre and I don't really know how to describe it.

On a lighter note:

I did find these replica posters on etsy.

The background is this:

In the Spring of 1939, with war against Germany all but inevitable, the British Government's Ministry of Information commissioned a series of propaganda posters to be distributed throughout the country at the onset of hostilities. It was feared that in the early months of the war Britain would be subjected to gas attacks, heavy bombing raids and even invasion. The posters were intended to offer the public reassurance in the dark days which lay ahead.

Not only perfect for adoptive parents. I think it will be rather appropriate in a house with 6 small children as well.

So here it is. Hanging on our living room wall.

tuesday.

2008-05-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

I feel like time is standing still.

I want to crawl into bed and wake up only when the phone rings to give me an answer.

I know that is horrible.

The boys have lots going on this week. I need to be present--fully present--for them.

I'm afraid I am failing miserably today.

I am trying not to be an alarmist.

I am trying to be realistic.

The truth is we have no idea what is going on over there.

It could be that they are just slow.

Or it could be that there is some problem.

We don't know.

In my mind, I understand that I should not be panicking yet.

I should just relax, turn it over to the Lord, and carry on.

Could someone please tell me how to do this?

I can say that the sparkling clean car and continual consumption of processed sugar is not even touching the aching and heavy heart.

It usually helps.

Not today.

OK.

2008-05-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

(originally posted monday, 5/19)
Breathe in. Breathe out.

Dakar responded this morning and said, "We are hoping to have a decision by the end of the week."

And this decision determines, not timing, but whether or not we will ever bring Zeke and Kora home.

It was not an encouraging email.

First of all because it looks like at best we will know something at the END of the week.

Which means a full week on the warp speed ferris wheel that is literally making me so sick.

And second, the tone made me so nervous.

I am trying not to panic yet...but I would venture to say that now, if ever, is a very, very critical time. And some of our worst fears are real threats.

The agency even said today that we "need to be asking for God's will to be done in these children's lives." And although I do believe that and it is my prayer, it is so, so scary to think that his plan for these kids might not include us. Neither the agency nor us has ever truly allowed ourselves to go there. You can't in this process. But now we are.

And I can't describe that to you.

Prayer is one of those mysteries that I just have never quite understood. All I know is that He asks us to do it. And so I will continue.

But I must say even in my prayers....I'm so scared.

full circle.

2008-05-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

Looks like we are going to do a full circle again today.

No word from Dakar.

Our agency has emailed them and asked for an update.

We won’t hear anything about that until tomorrow or Wednesday at the earliest.

Ugh. It’s the knotted stomach that I just can’t shake.

I’ve read that when you feel poor or out of control of your life–you should clean your car. I’ve found in the past that it actually kind of helps.
So today we are deep cleaning our cars.
Good times.

i hate ferris wheels.

2008-05-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

I hate ferris wheels.

I don’t know. They are just not good on my stomach.

I have forced myself a couple times to ride them with the boys. And every time, I just try and concentrate and count until it is over and I can get off! It is just the most uncomfortable feeling.

The going up. The coming down. The constant motion.

Every now and then, it would stop to let someone off. I would take a deep breath each time it stopped. Trying to gather myself until it started moving again. It would start moving again. And I would squeeze the hands of whoever was sitting next to me. And then just hope that we would be the next one to get off.

That’s kind of how I feel tonight.

Like I’m on top of the ferris wheel. It stopped for a second (the week-end). And I caught my breath. But I know that the only way to get off is to keep going around. So I am gearing up for the wheel to start moving again.

Monday comes in the morning. Africa works all night tonight.

Here we go….

it's friday.

2008-05-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

The week is over.
I kept telling myself, “It’s OK, Jody. YOu still have three more days, two more days, one more day until Friday. You can do this until the end of the week.”
I was pretty confident that I could not go into a week-end without hearing anything.
It looks like I have no choice.
And that future grace is starting to kick in.
It is nearly impossible to describe the anticipation and then the let-down that came with each day this week. And the weight of wondering if something is going wrong. And the disappointment of being unable to prepare to bring them home after we were almost certain it would happen this week. Our hearts and minds must race with the possibilities that the future of our family is very unknown right now. We do not know what is going to happen…
But for now we are heading into the week-end. The next possible opportunity for any information is Monday.
We are emotionally exhausted. I have never experienced anything like it before. But Andy and I have regrouped after dealing individually with the stress of it all.
And we need to be present and enjoy the boys. There are no other options.
Please continue to pray with us for a favorable embassy decision very soon.

wow.

2008-05-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

well, this qualifies, I believe, as a hard day.

andy and i are at our breaking points.

we are trying. but i think the pressure we are putting on ourselves to hold it together and not let it affect us might be making it more complicated.

there are some outside circumstances that are adding strain as well.

breathe in. breathe out.

i don’t know, folks.

ugh.

2008-05-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

Adoption, my friends, sucks sometimes.
I literally had myself physically sick this morning waiting for a phone call.
We have indication that we should hear about visa approval this week.
I thought Monday or Tuesday should of been the day.
But the window of opportunity on those two days has closed (meaning they are not working in Africa right now and therefore will not send notice of visas).
So it means tomorrow, I have to do this again.
From 7 to about 8:30 am, I am so sick.
There is a lot riding on these visas. Everything hinges on these visas.
No visas…no homecoming.
And the weight of that is so heavy.
We do believe the signs are positive. But you never know…
With word of approval, it will be a mad rush to get arrangements made to get to Africa.
This limbo stuff I am not crazy about.
I need a nap…but I can’t sleep.
I want to throw up…but I have no appetite.
I want to trust Him and simply relax and wait…but well, I just haven’t figured out how to do that.

monday

2008-05-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

(we were told 2 weeks ago that the field investigation should be done within 2 weeks. And the investigators were at the orphanage one week ago. Judging from those signs, we assumed we would certainly have approval this week)

I was up most of the night tossing and turning. I kept thinking, “It’s daytime in Africa. Please let them get their work done today!”
We were hoping for confirmation today but it didn’t happen. Night is falling there now so we will pray for tomorrow.
But we did get new pictures!
And I’m sorry, but this is hilarious….

First of all, they are the most beautiful little people ever.
And check out his shoes! Oh my gosh.
And Kora’s hair. I believe they must be preparing her for her white mama by shaving her head….
We love them.
The end.

As if I wasn't emotional enough...

2008-05-19T10:11:00.001-07:00

I walked upstairs because I noticed a light on in Zeke and Kora’s room.
I was a bit frustrated because they boys are not supposed to be in there.
Frustration grew when I walked in and saw baskets stacked on top of each other and a number of things out of place.
Until I noticed this:

Gabe had taken great effort to get up to the shelf to put this note on it.
‘Zeke and Kora. I’m glad you are here. From your big brother Gabe.’

Operation Homecoming Blog Auction

2008-05-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

We are having fun over at the other blog trying to raise travel funds to bring Zeke and Kora home. My family and friends are putting on an auction using the 'Africa Bags' we crafted and lots of special treasures.
Surely, surely I should never forget those who helped us bring these babies home...

breakout 2

2008-05-07T12:17:00.002-07:00

Breakout two was taught Mark Gregston who runs a ministry and intensive therapy camp for troubled teens.

Honestly, I walked in the room and wanted to sneak out the back. I just kind of had a feeling he was going to scare me.

And I think that was his point. That's what he wanted to do.

The thing I hear him saying is, "If you are an adoptive parent and you think you are going to get through this thing without some sort of intense suffering, you are a fool."

But rather than making me question everything, it actually was comforting to me.

Because unlike much of Christianity today, we need to understand that God's aim is not a conflict-free home. A suffering-free life was never in His plan.

So rather than shrink from it or be shocked by it, we just need to be prepared. Prepared to embrace suffering if we have to. Prepare to enter into our child's pain and have conflict with our child.

Just because it's hard and the children struggle does NOT mean God's fingerprints are not ALL over it. He calls parents to times like these.

He encouraged us to talk about the hard stuff. Help others embrace it. And don't freak out. (my paraphrase). :-)

I didn't really want to hug him as much.

I did want to say "Thank You" and "I hope I don't ever have to send any of my children to your camp." :-)

But I know it's a possibility....

from my breakouts.

2008-05-07T12:17:00.001-07:00

I hesitate to even try and sum up what I learned. But I will attempt to articulate a couple thoughts that I took from my breakout sessions.

I went to 2 breakouts that were specifically addressing the needs, issues, and support of adoptive families.

The first was taught by Karyn Purvis whose book, "The Connected Child," has been sitting on my night stand. I have read it. But I didn't 'get' it until I saw her explain and demonstrate the principles. She is a scientist. A research Ph.D. who is the director of an Institute for Child Development. She's a smart lady. She tried to explain to us what happens in a child's brain when they experience harm or great loss in the beginning of their life. There is science that can clearly show that things change in the body when that happens.

But what struck me was the tears that would well up in her eyes as she talked about 'science.' Coming from a clinical and research background, it was her passion that captivated me. She so longed to train parents how to connect with a child whose brain has been altered by no fault of their own.

It was fascinating. Slightly overwhelming. But hopeful as well.

It certainly prepared me to bunker down for a couple months of hard work when Zeke and Kora first come home.

I wanted to hug her.

I didn't.

But I wanted to.

Orphan Summit

2008-05-07T12:15:00.001-07:00

(I snuck away this past week-end to attend the Orphan Summit in Florida. It is an alliance of adoption, foster care, and orphan care activists and workers and parents combining voices for the cause of the fatherless. I am trying to unpack some of the information and blog it in order to remember....)

So there is no way I can recapture everything or really give you an accurate glimpse of the things God did in my heart and the things God is doing around the world on behalf of forgotten children...

But a few highlights--

Kay Warren spoke (or really wept her way through 45 minutes) about the responsibility of the Church. Her faith and evangelical Church had prepared her and she could teach lessons on how to find the best price on chicken breasts in town, how to lose those 10 extra pounds, how to decorate a table, and even have a family devotion. But what her faith did not prepare her for was meeting a woman dying of AIDS living under a tree whose only cry was "Who is going to take care of my children when I die?" As the wife of the most recognizable pastor in America, she was not prepared. And she can almost guarantee 98% of her church body was not either.

Does your church have an answer to that woman's question? I hear that over and over in my head these days. "Does your church have an answer for that?"

143 Million orphans in the world. What is the Church going to do about that?

(I can only blog for 5 minutes at a time these days. I'll be back later with the other reminders and challenges that haunt me....)

So.

2008-04-30T19:08:00.001-07:00

So apparently our agency does not only email first thing in the morning.

I got an email at about 2 today that said they had gotten word from Dakar that they have 'strong hope' that the Visas will ready within 2 weeks.

2 weeks and we could have clearance to GO!

But nothing is definite.

Andy and I were both very cautious in our excitement.

This is the first we have heard in months. I was smiling. But I would not allow myself to freak out yet.

So I made a couple calls to some friends who I knew would scream.

They did not disappoint.

And they got excited enough to cover my caution.

It was nice.

Andy says he won't relax with jubilee until we are on the plane with them in US air space.

This is progress, folks.

Please keep praying for the action that will happening over in SL in the next couple weeks.

it's a sick game.

2008-04-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

Each week day morning I get a little excited.

Because I know it is possible that we could hear something.

I know my agency gets to work at 8 am Colorado time.

I know she is checking her email first thing for word from the Embassy.

If by 8:10 (9:10 our time) I have not heard anything--it means I probably won't hear anything that day.

So by 9:10, I get a wave of saddness.

Another day with no news.

Our agency worker said I was doing a good job being patient.

How nice...
....and how disillusioned of her.

he's ready for us to pick him up.

2008-04-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Photo taken by the first traveling family.

Doesn't he look like he is ready for us...ready for anyone to pick him up?

their room.

2008-04-21T19:11:00.001-07:00

Something is not quite right about it, but I'm not sure what it is.

I'll stare at it while I wait and figure out what is it. Or one of you can tell me I'm sure.

In general, I like it.

It's ready for them.

in my dreams.

2008-04-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

So there has been some talk about Kora and her pink car seat.

It's waiting for her in the closet.

Was given to us at the shower...after being told that a girl in a family with 5 brothers must have a pink car seat.

So it waits.

Our sweet niece and cousin, Adessa, is coming to visit next week.

I'm quite certain Kora would want to share.

So Adessa is going to borrow Kora's car seat for a couple days.

My thoughtful and kind (and quite handy with photoshop) sister-in-law was afraid putting Adessa in the car seat first would mess with the dreams I have of Kora in it.

So to head that off, she sent me this. Kora in her pink car seat. :-)

thank you, Randie.

I can see it even more clearly.

Feels almost close enough to touch.

We're getting close. We have to be getting close...

wonder twins in pinck

2008-03-27T11:58:00.001-07:00

My boy is a little crabby.
But we have another sweet, sweet smile as well...

words are hard to find.

2008-03-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Honestly, it's been a hard several days. I am processing and sorting through all kinds of emotions. Usually, I find that at times like these, it's best not to try and blog. And probably, it's a bit too soon today as well. But somehow this helps heal me. This helps me figure out what is real and what is just a distortion in my mind. So this is pretty raw.

The first family is home. It's our turn now. There is nothing standing in our way from getting on a plane to get our kids except a phone call. A phone call that says, "come get them." I can feel us getting really close. Yet I know too it could still take them several months to make that call. I feel more intense, more urgent than I have yet in this process. And I still have no idea how much longer I have to wait. I want to pray about timing. But honestly wonder if God cares about that or if it's just my personal preferences. I am weary of praying and finding Him seemingly silent. I know in my head that it is more likely that I am not aware of His answers.

I seriously love these kids. It hurts. The longing for them is so real right now.

And yet in the same breath, I am fearful. I wonder if we really are going to be able to do this. Are we going to be able to nurture each of our children in the way they deserve? Are the boys going to be OK? Are we prepared and equipped to help Zeke and Kora through a very traumatic phase in their life? Is our marriage strong enough to handle the extra stress and pressure? Can we afford to feed them (seriously, Dawson has just started eating about 4 times as much as he used to)? How am I ever going to be able to figure out how to braid Kora's hair? Will they all ever know how much we love them and how committed we are to them?

I don't know if we can do it.

So two seemingly contradictory emotions have taken residence in my heart. And they are fighting it out.

At the same time, as the day approaches where Zeke and Kora will be physically present in our family, the critics seem to be on loud speaker. I don't know if it is me trying to prepare myself or wanting build a wall of protection for them before they get here.

I've said it before and I believe our lives and actions were provide evidence, but our love for Africa and our children there does not negate love and passion and commitment to our 'neighbor' here in America. Here and there. Both. Because we chose to give a home and family to children in Africa with no other options, does not mean we do not care about the people here. We have quickly become the biggest fans and advocates for families who are on the edge of caring for these children here as well. Many are our heroes in the truest sense. We have not and will not disengage from active involvement in people's lives here. Our eyes were opened to a need and we could not ignore, we could not turn our back on the children of SL. Race and location on the globe should not be determining factors on who is welcomed into a family.

Wish I could say it wasn't hurtful. Wish I could say I don't care.

I am working on getting a little tougher skin...as it appears having a large, transracial family will require it.

I wonder what heaven will be like? I imagine somehow that black hands will hold white hands. And I don't know why we have to wait for heaven to see it happen.

Our obedience to God is more important than people's comfort. God's promptings and peace are louder still than all our critics. And I love these children more than i dislike the disapproving looks.

So as I ache for them in anticipation of their arrival, my heart breaks as I recognize some of the challenges we will face. And as I wrestle round and round with fear and longing and anger and pure love--I know His grace will be sufficient. And I seen His heart more clearly than ever before. And that can't be such a bad place to be.

So for a blog entitled 'words are hard to find'--that was sure a lot of words.

Take it with a grain of salt...you are reading the heart of a 55 week pregnant mama of twins. I am quite uncomfortable.

we have connection.

2008-03-21T08:46:00.003-07:00

Got the pictures this morning of Zeke and Kora receiving our package.
We have complete and utter cuteness from Zeke--

And I believe we have a smile from Miss Kora--

a little update

2008-03-21T08:46:00.001-07:00

I got an email this morning from the mom currently in Dakar picking up her daughter from SL. She has a visa in hand!!! They should leave to come home tomorrow! We are taking a deep breath today and thanking God for this family and how they braved their way through this new program. We will hopefully be soon behind them.
She said this about Zeke and Kora after spending a little time with them:

“Zeke is so very tender and cuddly.
Kora has a sweet-heart and a hoot! What a personality she has! “

We are certainly missing them today. Kora apparently has 3 boils on her eye. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I do wish I was there taking care of her.

therapy in blog lurking.

2008-03-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

I love this. I needed this.

It is a post written by a Dad who just brought home his 3rd adopted child from Ethiopia…and added her to their already family of 4 biological kids.

I don’t know them, but he does a great job of capturing a lot of the emotions of adoption and family.

This one in particular I just understand. Even now in process, I have moments of longing for a simpler life…

And it’s good to know I am not alone. And that it is worth it.

Read it here.

just good

2008-03-21T08:40:00.001-07:00

I was trying to get a quote out of the below prayer to post. But I couldn’t. The whole thing was too good and gave me the words when I couldn’t find them.

‘Dear Lord, in the midst of much inner turmoil and restlessness, there is a consoling thought; maybe you are working in me in a way I cannot yet feel or experience or understand. My mind is not able to concentrate on you, my heart is not able to remain centered, and it seems as if you are absent and have left me alone. But in faith, I cling to you. I believe your Spirit reaches deeper and further than my mind or heart, and that profound movements are not the first to be noticed.
Therefore, Lord, I promise I will not turn away, not give up, not stop praying, even when it seems useless, pointless, and a waste of time and effort. I want to let you know that I love you even though I do not feel loved by you, and that I hope in you even though I often experience despair. Let this be a little dying I can do with you and for you as a way of experiencing some solidarity with the millions in this world who suffer far more than I do.
Amen.’ (Nouwen)

well, that was good practice.

2008-03-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

Andy had a conversation at a restaurant yesterday. Luckily he dealt with it graciously and didn’t tell me until after we left what was said. A couple, who we really do not know well, had some strong opinions about our adoption and felt the need to share. Now I was steaming.

Everything in my being felt as though I wanted to turn the car around, flip some tables perhaps, and share a couple things of my own. It was so hurtful. And so wrong in my understanding of the Jesus.

Andy and I talked through it and began to discuss how we will deal with it in the future. Because surely, it won’t be the last time.

I had to do some searching and deal with my own anger. Praying not for God to open the eyes of others, but for me to see all people–including those who hurt me or my children–with eyes of grace and love and forgiveness. This, my friends, is not easy.

I’m pretty sure there was steam coming out of my ears all day yesterday. I’m better today.

This quote posted on Joanna and Taylor’s blog had new meaning this morning…and has become today’s prayer–

“It is not our job to convict the world, but to live as a convicted person.” (John Piper)

those are our kids.

2008-03-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have been put in contact with ‘the first family’ in the SL adoption program (the ones who are currently in SL picking up their daughter). I love them and have so appreciated their wisdom and encouragement.
Anyway, I was looking through old pictures of theirs from their first trip to SL which was about a year ago. The mom is a wonderful photographer. And I was getting so excited as I flipped through looking for pictures of Zeke and Kora. She had taken beautiful head shots of each of the children in the home. I knew as I clicked through that I was getting closer to some gorgeous, unseen pictures of our kiddos. All the children were smiling beautifully, breathtaking shots. And I finally got to Zeke and Kora– (their only pictures, the only ones with this particular pose…)

They are going to fit right in around here.

its a small world indeed.

2008-03-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

Most of you are never going to be able to follow how we are connected with the above people.
I grew up in Colorado with Josh’s family. Have been lurking and chatting with Amy through the blogs. Both passionate about our babies and the place they come from. They live in Oklahoma. We live in Muscatine.

Today we ran into each other in the Des Moines mall.

So weird.

So much fun!

Silas is cuter in real life than he is in pictures…and he is pretty darn cute in pictures.

I got black skin and hair care 101.

We shared a few stories and a couple hugs and enjoyed connecting again (and for the first time) with a family whose hearts beat in such a similar way.

And as all good bloggers should, Amy and I both had our cameras in our purses….

new pictures of zeke.

2008-03-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

an update.

2008-03-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

We got an update on the kids today.

A couple funny things. I know a lot is lost in translation..but we got a few glimpses into their sweet little lives.

Both are still weighing in at 21 to 22 pounds…tiny little ones.

Kora was taken to the doctor this month for a fever and runny nose and treated with what sounds like an antibiotic (so weird and kind of scary that they go to the doctor without us knowing).

There is a list of questions on the update form.

Zeke’s went like this:
Does the child obey? Yes. Is the child happy? Yes. Sad? No. Angry? No.

Kora’s went like this:
Does the child obey? Yes, she’s very obedient. Is the child happy? Yes. Sad? No. Angry? Yes.

:-)

She’s strong. And perhaps occasionally pissed. I get that.

Zeke is described as ‘an easy going child and likes singing, playing and smiling.’

we got to send the kids a package.

2008-03-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

The traveling family offered to take the kids a package for us! I was so excited. It was our first opportunity to do this.

We gathered all this...to fit into a ziploc.

We were in a major time crunch (like everything else in this adoption...wait, wait, wait, hurry! hurry!) to get this to the traveling family.

So I had big dreams for what I would send them...but they could not be completed in 24 hours. So we had to improvise.

And it came together.

The photo album--with pictures from our time in SL and of all the boys and our family.

I used my Krio workbook to use a couple words the nannies and kids would understand.

We used a little voice recorder and left some messages for them.

Each of the boys gave a little greeting.

For a very goofy group, they were all very serious about their messages...

Andy sang a couple songs with his guitar. 'Jesus Loves the LIttle Children' and 'Jesus Loves Me' and 'You are My Sunshine.'

I recorded myself reading them a bedtime story.

"How long will you be my mother?"

"Always," said Mama.

"How long will you love me?"

"Always." Mama smiled.

"How long is always?"

"Miles and miles forever," said Mama.

someone. somewhere.

2008-02-29T13:51:00.001-08:00

(I am a firm believer that in adoption, we are the lucky ones. Not Zeke and Kora...we get the truest blessing, the truest privilege of having them in our family. That being said, I also believe this...)

You know this.

But I am constantly thinking about Zeke and Kora. All the time.

I was driving the other day and thought, "I wonder what I will think about when Zeke and Kora are in the back seat and I don't have to dream about what they are doing or replay every minute that we spent with them in November. I'm going to have a lot of empty air time in my head."

(I imagine I will be plenty busy so there won't be too much worry about my lack of things to think about).

But for now it is my way of bonding with them, loving them from afar. To think, and pray, and dream, and long. It's what a mother does for any child who is separated from her.

And it is what I wish for every child in the world.

I started to remember some of the kids we met in SL. And I know that the days come and go where not a single person thinks about them. No one is planning for their future. No one is dreaming big dreams for them. No one is praying for them, longing for them.

It's heartbreaking really.

And to me, it is part of the miracle of adoption.

I read plenty of blogs of adoptive mothers...and I can tell you they are doing the same for their kids around the world.

A child who was otherwise forgotten, a child with no one left in the world...gets a mother, gets a family...who even in though far away for a time is planning and dreaming and praying. Someone. Somewhere. Cares. Big time.

And thats a whole lot more than can be said for most of the 150 million orphans who go to bed tonight.

OK.

2008-02-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

So this morning I got an email.

I have been waiting to post anything until I knew I could do this without crying....as if you guys can see me or something.

But it's kind of deceiving because it really is good news.

So here is the deal....

The first family (we are one of two families adopting from SL) got their visa!!!! People, this is huge! Everyone has been on pins and needles wondering if they were going to issue visas after the reopened adoption program. So this is very, very exciting news. They will be on their way to pick up their daughter very soon.

And the Embassy in Dakar will issue our field investigation on Monday. Now, this is neither good nor bad...kind of an inevitable part of the process. I have been praying that we could miraculously skip this step...but that is not going to happen. So what this means is that it will be a couple more months before Zeke and Kora can come home. (But from the above information...they will come home.)

So that stung a bit this morning. I needed to mourn the extended wait. I needed to cry. And I did.

But as I continue to process this information, it really is positive. We are making progress...things are moving in the right direction to provide a way to forever families for these kids. And it's good. We are so, so thankful.

And while the wait will continue, at least I know now. I can bunker down and know the kids will not come home in the next month or two. I can enjoy the time with the boys and continue to prepare for Zeke and Kora's arrival.

We can do this. We will wait as long as we have to.

Everything is There.

2008-02-25T09:06:00.000-08:00

Our neat stack of completed paperwork, including our I600 approval, is apparently sitting on a desk in Dakar.

All we need now is a stamp. A decision granting the kid's visas.

We have no indication of how long it will take for them to do that.

And we wait...

God of this City

2008-02-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Dad blogged about that song that 'hit' me last week. He has the full back story over at his blog.

It has been blaring at our house for the last week. Andy did it at church this past week-end. I was sobbing (big surprise). Clearly it does not impact everyone the same way...and songs do that...some touch us while other people are unaffected. I guess for me I cannot hear it without seeing that open aired covering that housed 50 or so Sierra Leonian Christians that gathered there for worship. Their voices, their faces, the children dancing in the aisles. I envision them singing it...singing it over their city. A place that is impossible to describe. If you haven't been to similar places in the world, it's hard to grasp. But I see them desperately wanting to claim back their city, to restore His Kingdom reign there...a place where evil has destroyed so very much. I see Sarah and Faye and Aunty Batu and Pastor Samuel who are giving tirelessly their lives to bring the grace and hope and mercy that only God can give. I have seen through them that it can be so discouraging, so overwhelming.

I see our family singing it with them. We want so much to do our oh so tiny part to come along side of them. Not only to 2 forgotten children, but to those who are impacting and bringing change to the whole city. God can restore justice. God can bring hope. God can heal wounds. God can do that kind of stuff.

So when I hear this song, this is what I see.

(And I'm learning more and more that our resolve and commitment to love and justice is not mutually exclusive from desiring it here as well. They go hand in hand. They feed each other. And while these are the faces I see when I hear this song, it propels me to be all the more obedient and proactive here. At the same time, we cannot turn our faces from over there. He's the God of here and there. And sometimes it takes 'there' to open our eyes and expand our hearts. It certainly did for me.)

Watch it here.

---

2008-02-14T12:14:00.000-08:00

"Adoption feels like genetic connection because it links you directly not only to your own gene pool but to the genes of all humanity, all the way to the roots from which we all originated....Adoption carries the added dimension of connection not only to your own tribe but beyond, widening the scope of what constitutes love, ties, and family. It is a larger embrace." (Isabella Rossellini)

you know you are an adoptive parent when....

2008-02-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.

2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.

3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.

4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.

5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.

6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child's "real" parents.

7. You have ever been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth.(2 years!)

8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.

9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.

10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.

11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.

12. You know what the word "Dossier" means, and you can actually pronounce it!

13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.

14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

Author Unknown

(Thanks, Steffany)

and we wait some more.

2008-02-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

Dakar apparently has all needed paperwork except the originals that are being sent from the NVC. When I asked how they send those, our agency said it appears they send them by 'highly trained homing pigeons.'
No doubt. Everything seems to move so slow.

yeah!

2008-01-26T18:26:00.001-08:00

Our I600 approvals arrived today in the mail.
Yeah!!

From what we understand, it has been faxed to Dakar and the visa center in New Hamphire.

It's now sitting on someone else's desk...
The ball is moving again.

saturday.

2008-01-19T09:50:00.001-08:00

It’s one of those days.

I’m highly discouraged that we didn’t hear back from the Immigration office on Friday. Monday is a holiday–adding yet even more never ending days to our wait. I feel like I could have a nice break down if I don’t keep myself distracted. I was cleaning out Quincy’s closet today and moved some of his too small clothes up to Zeke’s room (the few that have survived 4 boys already). My mind raced with images of Zeke in full Landers boy uniform–jeans with holes and a hooded sweatshirt. I do miss them so much. I wonder how long…it’s a pregnancy with no due date. No end in sight. Ugh.

So we are in full distraction/chore mode here. The hope is we can get it done today and tomorrow and then actually take a day off on Monday and PLAY with the kids on their no school day. After a family meeting about the possibility, everyone is quite cooperative.

transracial adoption article

2008-01-18T11:24:00.000-08:00

a few tidbits from an article by Justin Taylor on transracial adoption:

"We shake our heads in wonder that the One who upholds the universe by the word of his power (Heb. 1:3) is not ashamed to call us his brothers (Heb. 2:11). We know that we deserve nothing but wrath, and instead have received grace upon grace in the gospel. It is this radical reality of the gospel that frees us from our love affair with comfort and moves us outward to serve those in need. We who have been rescued will desire to rescue others; we who have received the good news will desire to build families where the gospel can be demonstrated and relayed."

"At the end of the day, we have no biblical warrant for designing our lives around things we cannot control, nor do we have warrant for maximizing comfort at the expense of need. We pursue God in faith, and this faith is not by sight."

"As long as sin remains-this side of the return of Christ and the ushering in of the new heavens and the new earth-racism will remain. There is virtue neither in overstating or unstating this reality. But the idea of having qualms about transracial adoption (or interracial marriage) because it will create opportunities for more racial prejudice doesn't ultimately make a lot of sense. As John Piper has commented, "It's like the army being defeated because there aren't enough troops, and the troops won't sign up because the army's being defeated."

J. I. Packer gets it right in his classic, Knowing God: "Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption."

"...my goal is not to argue that transracial adoption is the best or only way to live in gospel-motivated obedience to God's Word and in response to the needs of the world. I'm simply proposing that transracial adoption is one thing that Christians should celebrate and consider. "

Post Adoption Depression.

2008-01-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

(originally posted at jodyrlanders.com...just keeping track here too).

I will probably touch on this later. But I'm thinking about it today and wanted to process today as well.

A scary and overwhelming thing called Post-Adoption Depression has come in up in several blogs that I read just yesterday. It is something I have heard about and read about in books. And I've talked about with a couple close friends. I am trying to be realistic and prepared and have my eyes as open as possible. But we know no matter how prepared we think we are, often things like PAD can sneak up and overcome us. And no matter how much reading we do it cannot compare to the reality of living with a newly adopted child and the challenges it brings.

So why am I boring you with this very official term that means very little to most of you?

I told a friend yesterday that I fully expect that we will wrestle with this in some degree. There always is a bit of let down when you achieve a goal that you have invested huge amounts of time, energy, money and emotions into. I imagine the first several months of having "strangers"--very needy strangers--living in your house can be a bit tiresome and confusing. Not to mention the overwhelming feelings of responsibility that will hit us as we enter the trenches of actually caring and providing for these children that we hardly know. I imagine there will be moments of panic--of "Oh my gosh, what have we done?!"

But I told my friend, "I'm not sure who I could admit that to. There is small group of people I would be willing to share it with. Simply because adoption has seemingly been a controversial thing in some ways. People have mixed feelings about it. And I know I could not handle the "I told you so" or "I knew this was going to be too much for you."

And then I started thinking about the tremendous therapy and support the blogs are for me. I don't want to have to pretend when the kids come home. There are going to be some rough days...possibly rough months.

So I am just preparing us all. We are hoping and praying for an easy transition and attachment but also preparing for a nightmare as well. And just because it is hard does not mean it is wrong.

I want to take this blog through the valleys and the moutaintops. I hope we can afford each other the grace to do so.

Now obviously, there are times when it is not appropriate to be completely honest on a public blog. I try and use discretion. But generally, what you see is what you get around here. An extremely flawed mother, with a house full of kids with their own challenges, and a marriage that requires a lot of work. Most days we have no idea what we are doing. And that is not going to change.

We will just add another dimension of doing our best, through the grace of God to make our way through adoptive parenting and loving wounded children. I anticipate it will be quite the ride.

Just be ready...that's all I'm saying...

sierra leone 07

2007-12-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

Here is the montage with pictures from our trip to Sierra Leone to meet the kids.
This song was part of my prayer before, during, and after. I was so scared about having to leave them...so scared about the uncertainty of the future. But I so wanted to breathe in the whole experience...to etch it on my heart forever.

We didn't want to miss the miracle right in front of us...

heartbeat

2007-12-23T17:36:00.001-08:00

I totally stole this idea from another blog.

But I had to make it my own.

So I made a video for all my blogger/mommy friends.

ALL of you have impacted my life this year in some way. All of your photos were used WITHOUT permission. :-) They were mostly lifted off of your blogs...which have been a daily challenge and encouragement to me as we make our way through the trenches of motherhood. Obviously, I have new found respect and many new friends who are adoptive mothers. The first few seconds of the video chronicle the birth of a mother...whether it be in the delivery room or with a referral phone call. At that moment, the world starts to change. A mother holding profound power and influence in her hands. And you all do it with so much grace and strength and endurance. I am so grateful our paths have crossed through the wonders of the internet and otherwise. You give me strength on days when I don't think I can pick up one more lego, fill out one more form, make one more sandwich or deal with one more toddler melt-down. You likely have no idea how each of you has influenced me...how grateful I am for you...

(I lifted as many pics as I could--filling in with my family as needed. Some of your blogs would not let me...so many of you are not seen here, but still ever present in your impact.)

One heartbeat at a time, girls. You are changing the world...

mail.

2007-12-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

You would of thought it was the real Santa Claus at our house the way I squeeled when the FedEx man rang the doorbell. Court decree in my hand, I600 goes to the Department of Homeland Security Immigration office on Monday.

I know we are talking a matter of days here. But not until you have a child on the other side of the world do you realize how long one day really is.

the missing link.

2007-12-20T10:07:00.001-08:00

“The medical community put forth a valiant effort to end AIDS but has yet to eradicate the virus. So why do I even have it {the end of HIV} as a goal? Because I believe that when the missing link–the church of Jesus Christ–rises from its slumber, awakens to the magnitude of the problem, acknowledges its sinful absence or puny efforts (at least in the West), repents of neglecting those God is passionate about, and rallies it’s best attention, effort, and compassion, HIV/AIDS can be a disease that used to plague our world.” (Kay Warren)

I’m afraid the Church is the missing link in a number of causes–not the least of which is the fight against HIV. The plight of the poor, the orphan, the widow, the diseased, the handicap–our neglect, my neglect, of them is nothing short of sin.

I overheard some people chatting about how it’s the ‘trendy’ thing now for churches and Christians to be all compassionate and care for ‘the least of these.’ They said we have swung way to an extreme in reaction to our absence in the past. It was one of those times where I almost jumped out of my skin. Is it possible to be too compassionate? Is it possible to be extreme in our love and effort on behalf of the forgotten? I don’t have to be a Bible scholar to figure out how important it was to God. And if it is ‘trendy’–so be it. And thank God that he opened our eyes. Why must we always have excuses? When Christians make arguments like this it simply justifies our distance. It makes it acceptable to keep our distance from pain and suffering. It makes it acceptable to guard our ‘comfort’ and ’safety.’ All in the name of not swinging too far with a trend.

Swung too far in love and compassion?

I don’t think it’s possible.

it's here.

2007-12-20T06:20:00.000-08:00

paperwork in in the US. it is on it's way to me in Iowa from my agency in Colorado. I will file the 1600 before Christmas.
Things are moving again...

2007-12-18T15:26:00.001-08:00

good.

2007-12-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

It’s official. My computer’s harddrive is crashing. Which is not good. But since we are only focusing on happy things today–it’s still under warranty. Meaning a little inconveniece and some seperation anxiety (me and my computer are tiny bit co-dependant), but in the end it will be fixed and it won’t cost me anything.

And we are closing on our house on Friday! That is huge! We will be paying for it for years, but happy things–it sold! In the middle of winter! And we can finally hang curtains at our new house. (i refused to do that until the old house sold). Yeah! Many thanks to the realtor and family that kept us afloat this past year.

In all seriousness, I have had a stranger and an old friend come into my life in the last couple days to provide tremendous support and strength in the adoption. I am always amazed at the people God allows to cross my path and the blessing that they provide. Honestly, we have moments of saddness and frustration when people we expected to join us in this journey have chosen not to. It has been a lesson in grace and constant checking of our hearts to ensure we are desiring only the approval of God. But more than that, we have been so surprised at the complete strangers and the distant and old friends who have risen and provided doses of bravery and strong, unashamed support. We are simply humbled and so grateful. It has carried us through days when we are extremely weary and questioning everything. And we have watched God provide in the most unlikely of ways. And we thank you. I hope you all know who you are

update

2007-12-14T12:25:00.000-08:00

We are at a complete standstill. Our paperwork is somewhere in the mail between Sierra Leone and here from what I understand. Once it arrives, I can send in our Immigration Visa forms and things can get rolling. But without it, nothing is happening. Ugh. I have been pretty tense and somber. I at least want things moving...moving in the direction of bringing Zeke and Kora home. I think about them constantly. Trying to remember what they felt like in my arms.

I've said it before--we have to constantly remind ourselves that the process is much the aim. During standstills, God is still moving. And I can still feel God's gentle and sometimes firm hand refining my heart so I can be ready. Ready in the best way to be mother to these broken children. My heart aches for the loss they have already endured. Sometimes I think it is too painful to imagine what they still will have to go through...it would just be easier to look the other way. To turn the channel. But I can't. We made that decision last year when we began this journey. We were done looking away. From now on, we are facing suffering head on with our eyes wide open. And we discovered that when we feel our hearts ache it is "pain that originated in the heart of God, not in mine."

Warren goes on to say this about the all too familiar feeling, "I was inadvertently cheating myself out of the consolation and comfort available to me through sharing in the fellowship of the sufferings of Jesus."

Ours is really the tiniest, tiniest glimpse. Yet I am learning that I am not alone. It's His heart that is breaking...it comes from Him and is made endurable and redeemable through Him.

She Smiles.

2007-12-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

It's nothing spectacular. But you can see her smile and it is some of the little video we have. And it makes me happy. So here is Kora...

watch here

memories.

2007-12-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

Kora is throwing a little fit...refusing to look at the camera. Zeke is just going with whatever...

This is Mary. She is married to the Pastor and together they run the orphanage, school and growing church. I loved her. She is one of those people who I genuinely felt like would be a dear friend if we lived close.
And another one of our twins...as opposite as can be.

practicing...

2007-12-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

I missed Zeke and Kora a lot this week-end. I think we were flying on a high for several days after getting the chance to meet them, and hug them, and fall in love with Sierra Leone. But the reality that they are not here and won't be for a while is starting to sink in. And I just miss them.

But Quincy is getting ready for them. We overheard him several times in the last couple days when he is playing by himself. He talks to them and says things like, "OK, Zeke you hold this. Kora you stand here and I will be right back." ect. ect.

I have a feeling he will have days in the future when he misses the 'pretend' Zeke and Kora--who listened to everything he said and didn't touch his cars. But he is practicing nonetheless. Practicing to be a big brother...

now what?

2007-11-28T13:21:00.001-08:00

The next step in the adoption process: I have one more form to fill out. Once the appropriate paperwork is sent to us from the courts in Africa, I will mail it Des Moines Immigration office. They will process it quickly (we are thinking positive thoughts only here). Once approved from Des Moines, it will be sent to Dakar US Embassy. They have the power to approve on the spot and grant the kids their US visas or they can choose to order a field investigation (the former would be a HUGE blessing). In the recent past, they have been issuing field investigations on all adoptions from Sierra Leone. IN that case, we wait for US Embassy in Freetown to conduct their field investigation. Once completed, they will issue the children Visas and we can go get them. (all of this taking anywhere from 2 to 6 months.)

So here we are...waiting. What are we going to do?

Actually today, I am a little overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done...which makes the waiting a slight bit more bearable. So for the next 2 to 6 months we will--

*Figure out the car thing. We need a car that travels 8 and stays within our pretty tight budget.

*Get their rooms ready. The room is cleared out, but that's it. My Dad is working on a bed to go with one that was given to us. I will be soliciting the help of decorator extraodinare (Candi--you may not know this yet...but you have a job) to bring it all together. I have no sheets, curtains, ect yet. So a lot needs to be done there.

*Learn to speak Krio. I am amazed at how much the kids understood when the Nanny and Pastor would reason with them in Krio. And then it scared me--"how in the world am I going to comfort and reason and communicate with them?!" They say a few words, but understand everything. So we have some learning to do... (Sarah Saunier--we need to visit!)

*Raise some more money. Ugh. The travel ended up being way more expensive than we anticipated. We were hoping we could just absorb travel costs into our budget. But that is not going to happen. You will likely see another thermometer for travel costs...

*Become a black hair care specialist--(Sarah B. from Colorado--this is your job). I need to learn basic care and then find a professional we are comfortable with somewhere close by.

*Learn how to make fried rice and all things rice. Zeke and Kora ate rice with veggies in it for breakfast and probably for most other meals as well. We currently don't eat a lot of rice. But I would like to have it introduced into our regular diet and be an expert at it by the time they get here. (Andy said, "It's going to take you 4 months to learn how to make fried rice?" Probably, honey. Thanks for asking).

*Pray a lot. Pray for their health and safety and hearts as they prepare for major life change. Pray for a speedy process. Pray for our family to be united and strong as we face the challenges ahead. Pray that Andy and I, our boys, Zeke and Kora--that we all would make much of God.

the Strong Man

2007-11-28T13:18:00.000-08:00

My Dad is at a Global AIDS conference at Saddleback. He reported the following story from one of his sessions. I think it holds a lot of truth in the adoption world as well...

'In China this story is told. A river flows through a village, in it many babies had been thrown. The villagers worked hard to save some of the babies but they couldn’t get to them all. Many babies died.
One man asked another, “Where are these babies coming from?”
“Oh,” the other man said, “there is a strong man up on the hill. He is throwing the babies into the river.”
“What can we do then?”
“Someone must wrestle down the Strong Man.”

re-entry

2007-11-28T09:00:00.001-08:00

I am having some "re-entry" issues. Which I did not know was possible after being only gone 1 week. But I'm sure it is a combination of exhaustion and coming to terms with the reality of what the past couple weeks entailed.

So yesterday, I went to Wal-mart. I had a cart half way full of groceries. I stood in line for a long time. I watched everyone check out. Then I just pushed my cart up to the lady when it was my turn. She stared at me. I just smiled at her. It was awkward and I couldn't figure out why. She glanced at my cart. And then looked back at me. Then it hit me, "Oh my gosh, what am I doing?" I apologized and quickly loaded my groceries onto the belt. What is wrong with me? I have forgotten how to shop at Wal-mart? How exactly did I plan on checking out?

Then driving home on the highway, I saw a truck on the other side of the road. I literally saw a big dump truck like vehicle with the back full of African teen-age men. They were piled in there, sitting and standing. As it passed, I looked in my rear view mirror to see that it was actually a truck pulling a trailer with a blue tractor on it. But my mind saw the former. So weird. (Before you start to worry about me, it is one of those split second things where your mind plays tricks on you. This was not going on for a long time... :-)).

And then last night, I was just kind of day dreaming and I had a sudden panic overtake me. "Oh my gosh, we left them there! We have to go back!" It was like it just hit me what had happened. We left our babies in Africa. While we were there, things were so crazy. We did not understand what was going on most of the time. We were just waiting for someone to point and tell us where to go and what to do. We were on edge waiting for the next instruction. So we didn't really have time to process and get real emotional. But now that we are home, we are having the time to sort through all that.

It was a fleeting moment of panic as I understand that this is all part of the process. But I did get that feeling of fear..fear that we forgot something very important.

I think it is safe to safe that Africa and our new kids have effected the deepest parts of me. And combining the two worlds that we now know exist is proving to be a challenge...

some pics.

2007-11-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

Kora and her nanny, Alice (who we love!)--

Zeke and Daddy

christmas.

2007-11-27T07:46:00.000-08:00

We put up the tree and hung stockings...8 of them.

she's smart.

2007-11-26T13:07:00.000-08:00

After we went to the beach with the kids, we took them to get some ice cream. Zeke was sitting on my lap and I was spooning him his ice cream. The Pastor and nannies sent Kora to sit with Andy. She obliged. But she would not open her mouth for Andy to feed her the ice cream. She would turn her head away. So the Pastor came over and he began feeding her. She sat in Andy's lap and accepted the ice cream from the Pastor. Then Andy put his hand on top of the Pastor's hand on the spoon and they moved the ice cream toward her mouth. She turned her head. Would not take it if Andy's hand was anywhere near the spoon.

So funny.

She knew exactly what she was doing.

And although it didn't allow for a lot of cuddle time with her on this trip. These are all actually really good attachment signs. She has a healthy "stranger fear" (and strangers is exactly what we were to her) and a good sense of what it means to trust people. And it is something you don't give away lightly.

She was stubborn. Wanted to come to us on her own terms. And that is the way it should be. There will be plenty of time to win her trust and win her heart...

up and running.

2007-11-26T11:41:00.000-08:00

OK, I am up and running again at the family blog. I am working on a way to combine the two...because frankly they are one and the same--our family and our adoption journey. I'll keep you posted on that.

But for now I will be posting back about the boys ect. at the family blog and posting about our trip and adoption at both places (here and there).

Many thanks for your encouragement and emotional support and financial assistance along the way. We are truly grateful.

somewhere.

2007-11-26T07:35:00.000-08:00

This is how my Dad described meeting Zeke and Kora a few months back. He was traveling in Sierra Leone with Campus Crusade and got to go meet the kids. It made so much sense to me now that we have traveled those same roads (and we say "roads" very loosely) to find them...

"Taking advantage of an afternoon free, I traveled some back roads out of Freetown into one of it's suburbs (can you have a suburb without an urb?). I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere.

But meeting Zeke and Kora, I discovered that in God's economy, there are no nowheres. That place was a somewhere, a very important somewhere to Laurie and I and especially to Andy and Jody. It reminded me that God sees no forgotten orphans, no disregarded places. Every person is somebody to him and every place is some place to him---and ought to be to us."

first kiss.

2007-11-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

Sunday

2007-11-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

It has been such a whirlwind the past couple weeks. From the 6 day notice of travel. To getting the Visas and preparing in a hurry. To getting on a plane and going across the ocean. To a new culture. A new language. A new people. To meeting our kids for the first time. To kissing them for the first time. To legally adopting them in a hot West African courtroom. To saying "Good-bye." To getting back on a plane. To trying to readjust to time schedules and work schedules. To being thrown right into a very emotional week-end. To sorting through all that we saw and experienced in the last week. To preparing for the next several months of waiting. And still embracing this time of year with the boys.

So today we are...we are a bit numb.

I have so enjoyed telling our stories a little today. Sometimes I think, 'Wow, did that really happen to us a few days ago?" It is all so surreal. Feels like we watched it all happen outside of our bodies.

But I so want to cement the memories and emotion of it all. I don't ever want to forget.

So I will continue to unpack it all as I can over the next several weeks.

Today, we are putting up the Christmas tree with the boys.

And then going to bed...

and more...

2007-11-24T19:56:00.001-08:00

sleeping beauty--she apparently always sticks her two fingers in her mouth as she drifts off to sleep...
And this was right before we had to leave on Wednesday night. They had just handed out the remaining candy to all the kids. Kora actually came up to me and wanted to share hers..she would take a lick and then hold it out to me.

a few more.

2007-11-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

This is a few minutes after meeting the kids. We walked in and they were laying on the bed each holding a piece of bread. They looked tired and scared when we walked in. I started to tear up(but held it together) and slowly moved toward the bed. I knelt down and said 'hi' to Zeke. Kora was already shaking her head NO. I backed off to give them some time. The nanny got them up and we starting talking to her. We gave them each a sucker and this is them after taking the candy...and deciding if maybe we were OK...

And at the beach. Kora has a rag (they carry rags everywhere to wipe the sweat off) on her head that the nanny tied on. As soon as she did, Kora started doing a little dance. So cute...but of course, as soon as she noticed we were enjoying it...she stopped. :-)

saturday.

2007-11-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

Suitcases are unpacked. Laundry is going. Bills in the mail.

Andy is at work.

I am going to take the boys on an outing.

We are back.

and zeke magar...

2007-11-24T06:59:00.001-08:00

I wish I could describe to you how his little body would go limp and mold into my body as I held him. He would lay his head on my shoulder and occasionally look up to gaze in my eyes.

I know that at first, he was just doing it because everyone was telling him to. You could tell he was a little scared and just going through the motions...

But the last day or two, he would reach up to play with my hair and stroke my arm.

He is so sweet, and quiet, and shy, and beautiful.

When I close my eyes, I see his. I can still feel his inhale and exhale as he slept on my shoulder.

before i go to sleep....

2007-11-23T17:21:00.001-08:00

I blog. I blog because I sound ridiculous when I talk. The fired editor was supposed to be listening and then reporting our updates in a WRITTEN, and eloquent fashion--creating the illusion that I was in fact somewhat intelligent and articulate. But when you are in Africa, one loses a bit of control...and so now you know...I'm really a quite pathetic communicator. Thanks for following along anyway.

We could feel your prayers. We felt like we had a 'near perfect' trip. And I have changed my mind and I think Andy and I would totally win The Amazing Race. ;-)

My Mom had things in perfect order when we returned home. Complete with Thank-You cards for all of you who helped feed and entertain the troops while we were gone. Thank you! She literally left minutes after we got back from the airport to head back to her own home and work (which she left on such short notice to come take care of mine). The boys were happy and full of stories of the adventures they had in our absence.

I will try to sort through the details of our busy week in the upcoming days. After spending one week in Africa, we by no means claim any sort of expertise on the subject. But we can tell you this--

Like never before, we could feel God's heart beat. We could see His Hands at work. And when we knelt down to kiss the dirty faces of some of the world's forgotten children, I believe we kissed His Face.

all girl

2007-11-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

it looks like she is all girl...

and she doesn't know it yet (or maybe she does), but she has this daddy wrapped around her finger...

because we miss them already...

2007-11-23T13:42:00.000-08:00

WE'RE HOME!

2007-11-23T11:56:00.001-08:00

We arrived safely at home.

We were beyond happy to see the boys.

We are beyond exhausted.

We are beyond excited about our new kids.

more later...when I can think straight.

(this is Jody taking back blogging duties...many thanks to our guest blogger-- I knew I needed to get home quickly before you all knew way too much about me...)

You have three pens.

2007-11-22T08:53:00.000-08:00

Andy and Jody are safely in Dakar, grabbing a couple hours sleep before their 3 am departure to Atlanta. The journey from Sierra Leone was not without adventure. The helicopter company insisted that their flight was leaving much later, but Andy had talked to Bellview Airlines and was confident about the departure time. The helicopters weren't going to fly! So Andy and Jody rushed to the ferry -- but the ferry wasn't leaving in time or had just left. Hurrying back to the helicopter company, Andy somehow convinced them to fly them to the main airport.

At the airport, as they were going thru security, the security personnel opened up all their bags for a thorough inspection. The security person noticed that Andy had three pens in his bag. He turned to Andy and said, "You have three pens. Why do you have three pens?" Andy answered, "Well, er, I like to write a lot." "Sorry," the agent said, "You are only authorized one pen. I'm going to have to confiscate these other two."

Apparently, the rest of the trip to Senegal was uneventful. They should be home tomorrow. -- fed

*all italicized words above imply an African definition, as opposed to our understanding of those words in America

Hello and Good-bye in One Day

2007-11-21T14:54:00.000-08:00

Jody called about an hour ago. Andy and Jody are both anxious to get home and see the boys. We were able to get an earlier flight home. So, of the connections work out tomorrow (and the Lord is willing), they will be back in Muscatine by Friday afternoon. Hard to believe.

Of course, they were bummed to say good-bye to Zeke and Kora---especially since they just could really say hello this morning. During the worship service with Pastor Samuel, Zeke fell asleep in Jody's arms while Kora danced in the aisles with the other worshipers. Between dances, Kora kept sneaking a peek at Andy and Jody and smiling. Andy sang "Give me Jesus" for everyone, preached a little and thanked them. He said he and Jody had fallen in love with Sierra Leone and looked forward to partnering in the future to build the nation and to bring in the Kingdom. Both Andy and Jody loved being in the worship service--so fun hearing praise choruses in English and Krio, so much enthusiasm.

After the service, Andy and Jody said a sad good-bye to the newest Landers. They'll leave for the airport in the morning, catch the flight to Dakar, then wait 10 hours til their 3 am connection to Atlanta, then home.

I talked to Jennifer from Hope's Promise this morning. She said that the US investigation that can kick in now that the court date has been met could last for 3 to 4 months. That will be a hard wait. God seems to working on this deal, so who knows.

Thanks again for your interest and your prayers. Is there any grouper in the Mississippi? I think Jody likes it. - fed

Other details

2007-11-21T06:35:00.000-08:00

After the sought for announcement (see previous post), everyone returned to the House of Hope for a celebration lunch of grouper. Andy was laughing in the background as Jody explained how she got it down. "It was painful, but I did it." There is a saying in Africa that "when you accept my food, you accept me." So Jody did good.

I could tell that they were giddy. "Oh, we love Sierra Leone. They're ours! Six! I can't believe it. It's crazy."

This evening, pastor and his wife invited Andy and Jody to their church service. Jody said everyone is excited to show them the church and the fellowship. Andy and Jody are thrilled to experience worship with newly-found brothers and sisters from Africa.

It is in the best interests of these children that

2007-11-21T06:20:00.000-08:00

The adventure continues:

The sought for announcement! Click here

12 Noon Sierra Leoneon Time and No Word

2007-11-21T04:08:00.000-08:00

Got up at 5 am this morning and realized Jody hadn't called. It's 12 noon there. Hoping they made it to court and Jody is waiting to call with a good report. -- fed

Driving thru Freetown

2007-11-20T15:38:00.000-08:00

If you want to see somebody's youtube clips of what Andy and Jody are experiencing as they drive thru Freetown click below:

Short Clip

Link to a Longer film

Black Magic on the Beach

2007-11-20T14:40:00.000-08:00

I talked to Jody about an hour ago. They were heading to bed. The excursion to the beach went well. Andy and Jody, the twins, Pastor N. and a nanny helper spent an hour or so playing on the beach. While still eying them warily, Kora is slowly warming up to them. She lets them hold her some as long as the nanny is near by. She played tag with Andy, chasing him around the beach, rolling around in the sand. It was a good time.

Still no word on the court date. They will find out in the morning.

Jody told the following story--not sure if I got all the details right.

Apparently a man approached them on the beach wanting money for a "black magic" act. The Pastor warned him that he would not have the power he normally has, because Pastor and his friends (Andy, Jody and the nanny) were Christ-followers. The man proceeded with his act, chewing up beer bottles and swallowing the glass. Apparently, he swallows the glass, asks for money, and then throws up the glass later. Anyway, the Pastor was talking to him about the "competing powers," that God's power was greater than the dark powers, etc. The man then began to throw up the glass--it was obviously hurting him (unlike other times he has done it). Jody said she was afraid he might die -- or they might die or something. Anyway, she said, it was a bizarre cultural experience.

(Now, I may have messed this story up, got the facts wrong, misunderstood Jody's explanation ---like maybe the guy was juggling beer bottles and one broke or some more "Western" explanation. But then again, this is Africa and "the competing powers" are more visible there. We'll have to wait for Andy and Jody's corrections and/or amplifications.)

-- fed

The Kora Strategies Update

2007-11-20T06:59:00.000-08:00

Jody just left a msg. They are back in the hotel now, resting and preparing to take the twins to the beach. The Kora Strategies appears to be working.

While playing with the all the kids, Andy and Jody were swept into a "Kiss me, Kiss me" game. All the kids lined up and and wanted Jody to kiss them (I think Andy got in line to). As Jody worked her way thru the crowd, suddenly at the end of the line, stood Kora looking up and saying "Kiss me."

I could tell from Jody's voice that she was excited to oblige. -- fed

If you'd like to hear Jody's excitement for yourself, click on the words Kiss Me when you get here.

The Kora Strategies

2007-11-20T00:51:00.000-08:00

It's 2 am, Mountain Time; 9 am Sierra Leonean Time.

Andy and Jody are about to leave for the House of Hope -- about a 30 minute drive or so over terrible roads. They have prepared a host of Kora Strategies to woo one little girl into their web of love (too poetic, but it's the middle of the night and I'm still asleep--fed).

Anyway, the core of the Kora Strategies is to "ignore her, don't show her any interest, pay more attention to the others in hopes that she'll warm up." ( I think I used that strategy in Junior High to win over a certain Mary Lou. It didn't work.--fed)

Jody is confident, however, that this strategy works with strong-willed women. Kora is her own person and is not going to do what everybody is asking her to do. (Takes one to know one.-fed)

If that fails, they hope to find a guitar so Andy can sing to her. (That strategy would have worked with Mary Lou....but then again I guess I'd have to sing as well as Andy. Oh well. - fed)

Andy and Jody will spend the morning at the House of Hope and then attempt to take the twins on an outing to the beach. Jody is struggling with the "bonding" thing with Zeke and Kora--knowing they have to fly away on Thursday or Friday.

No word on the court appearance--need to keep praying for Wednesday or at the latest Thursday morning. Flight leaves Freetown on Thursday afternoon.

Observations on Sierra Leone:

Intermittent electricity and water. Andy had some hot water yesterday in the shower. Water is also off and on--toilets don't flush and sinks don't really run that well.

Andy's back hurts; Jody has a slight cold. But they're fine really. It's very hot and humid there--some rain during the night.

They may go to the market in Freetown tomorrow to see it.

The town had a "fear crisis" yesterday where a rumor got out that gasoline was running low. Mad rush on the gas stations. Gas rationed out.

Jody said that they've commented to one another: "You think you're in a slum area and that you'll drive out of it, but you never do. The whole city is one big slum." Nevertheless, they love the people, the experience, everything.

No way to send pictures. We'll have to wait until they get back.

-- back to bed. fed

A Voice from Africa

2007-11-19T10:53:00.000-08:00

I thot I'd tape Jody's latest update. Click here to listen. (Sorry, couldn't get it up on blogger.com) fed
P.S. return here to comment. I'm sure Jody will want to have the comments here.

Finally!!!

2007-11-19T04:01:00.000-08:00

"They're wonderful, perfect, beautiful."

Jody called at 4 am this morning (12 noon in Sierra Leone). We had a terrible connection before we were cut off.

But I could make out the following:

Jody said they were going to find some lunch and that Zeke and Kora were wonderful, perfect, beautiful;

that they had spent the morning with them and they were perfect, wonderful, beautiful;

that Zeke fell asleep on Andy's shoulder and they were beautiful, perfect, wonderful;

that Kora was still a little afraid of them, but we'll go back this afternoon and they were

well you get the idea. fed

Change 1

2007-11-18T13:09:00.001-08:00

Andy and Jody couldn't get out to House of Hope this evening....so they will be with the kids tomorrow. Jody didn't sound disappointed. I think they wanted to get a good night's rest before tomorrow. So they're headed to bed. fed

Google Location

2007-11-18T12:29:00.000-08:00

Upper blue mark is the Cape Sierra Hotel....
Lower blue mark is the House of Hope -- and Zeke and Kora.

Yeah. fed

Yeah--In Hotel, With Kids Right Now

2007-11-18T11:38:00.001-08:00

Heard directly from Jody about two hours ago. They were in the hotel, Cape Sierra, in Freetown. Pics of the hotel on the left here.

They made it to Sierra Leone on the Bellview flight. Pastor N's brother met them there and they decided to take the helicopter to Freetown--despite warnings to the contrary. They were so tired, Jody said, that they didn't care if they blew up.

They actually like Freetown better than Dakar. Pastor was coming to get them this evening--Sierra Leoneion time and take them to see the kids. That might be right now as I post this.

Jody also wanted me to tell you that "men's underwear is hanging from their shower and there is a bucket in the bathroom with something in it, but they're not sure what it is or what it is for."

Arrived? I think so.

2007-11-18T05:48:00.001-08:00

Fired Editor Update:

Jody called several times from Dakar last night .... 12:30, 1:40, 1:45, 2:15. They were waiting for the Bellview flight....the 2:15 call suggested that they were going to make that flight. Jody told me to stand by the phone. I asked her if I could sleep by the phone.

Since Jody hasn't called again, I assume they made it. Pastor is suppose to pick them up at the airport, get them to the ferry crossing (pics from fired editor's recent trip). As soon as I get word, I'll post more details. But I imagine they are making their way to the hotel. Thanks for praying. fed (aka fired editor)

Some Pics of Dakar

2007-11-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

In Dakar!

2007-11-17T22:34:00.000-08:00

Jody and Andy just called. They safely arrived in Dakar, Senegal. Unfortunately, their flight from Dakar to Freetown on Slok-Air was cancelled so they are booking on a Bellview flight that leaves at 11:40 Senegal time. They called me (the fired editor) at 11:39 pm to contact Jennifer. I called Jennifer and woke her up. She is calling Pastor N. in Sierra Leone. Will anybody get any sleep tonight? the fired editor

Atlanta 2

2007-11-17T07:25:00.001-08:00

So I have taken to being a control freak. This was me so far today--and we're on a few hours into this long journey:

Ok, lets go in this door.

Now, you stand here and hold this, but don't touch anything.

We will take our malaria meds at 11:03 and 47 seconds.

Now don't bend the tickets.

Luckily, so far Andy just keeps laughing at me.

(comment from the editor: I thot maybe Jody's "control freakiness" might be because she's just nervous or scared or really excited. But come to think of it, Jody has been this way all her life. Jody's dad. PS. Pray for Andy. PSS. I may lose my editing job with this comment. If so, thanks so much for your love and prayers for these kids. Laurie and I couldn't be more proud.)

Atlanta

2007-11-17T07:19:00.001-08:00

We are in atlanta on a long layover. Leaving the boys this morning was really hard. I cried all the way to the airport. Andy was silent. I understand the analogy breaks down on a lot of levels, but we thought it reminded us a lot of leaving the 99 sheep behind in pursuit of the 1 who was lost. In our case, I guess it's the 2 who were lost.

we're off...

2007-11-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

...in an eager pursuit of the heart of God.

add 4.

2007-11-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

Add 4 more to the number of times I cried today....

....one for each of the kisses I gave these precious boys tonight.

why are we doing this?

2007-11-16T14:47:00.000-08:00

“As far as I am concerned, the greatest suffering is to feel alone, unwanted, unloved. The greatest suffering is also having no one, forgetting what an intimate, truly human relationship is, not knowing what it means to be loved, not having a family or friends.” (Mother Teresa)

'Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.' (James 1:27)

they're here.

2007-11-16T10:31:00.000-08:00

Visas and in passports arrived at 9:00 am.
Andy is coming home from work in a few minutes to have a packing pow-wow.
And I've only cried 3 times so far today.

friday.

2007-11-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

So my mom and I are taking turns being stationed at home waiting for the Fed Ex man.

Some final running around. Trying to have a relaxing evening with the boys tonight.

A friend last night said she was starting to panic for me because I was going to a war torn Africa without any adult supervision. :-) Although contrary to popular belief, we are THE adults.
We're ready. We can totally do this.

Another friend of mine who lives here received her referral this week for a little boy from Ethiopia (hotflawedmama.blogspot.com). He is very close in age to Zeke and Kora, and although he may likely be home before them, we can already envision those play dates. And we are thrilled! Congrats Zach and Tesi!

So I am going to take a long hot shower, try and sleep real good in my own bed, and then leave it behind for a short while. And experience a new place, a new people, a new world. Praying for the eyes of the Father as we embrace it all.

just because.

2007-11-15T19:16:00.000-08:00

a couple of beautiful boys...

yeah.

2007-11-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

Visa's were literally issued at 4:56 pm (Washington DC time), within 4 minutes of closing time.
They are on their way to us overnight.

We are very thankful.
And actually are pretty proud of the very rude Visa Expediting people...