Friday, May 23, 2008

OK.

(originally posted monday, 5/19)
Breathe in. Breathe out.

Dakar responded this morning and said, "We are hoping to have a decision by the end of the week."

And this decision determines, not timing, but whether or not we will ever bring Zeke and Kora home.

It was not an encouraging email.

First of all because it looks like at best we will know something at the END of the week.

Which means a full week on the warp speed ferris wheel that is literally making me so sick.

And second, the tone made me so nervous.

I am trying not to panic yet...but I would venture to say that now, if ever, is a very, very critical time. And some of our worst fears are real threats.

The agency even said today that we "need to be asking for God's will to be done in these children's lives." And although I do believe that and it is my prayer, it is so, so scary to think that his plan for these kids might not include us. Neither the agency nor us has ever truly allowed ourselves to go there. You can't in this process. But now we are.

And I can't describe that to you.

Prayer is one of those mysteries that I just have never quite understood. All I know is that He asks us to do it. And so I will continue.

But I must say even in my prayers....I'm so scared.

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